“The cheapest, most effective way to connect with others is to look them in the eye.”

· Nicholas Boothman

How effective is ‘looking in the eye’ as a communication act? It is said that, sometimes, it is not important “what was said” because considering “how a message was said” needs more attention. In a situation like telling a story to a friend or even making somebody feel that you are angry or irritated, eye contact is probably the best and the easiest way to convey emotions.

Eye contact – looking directly into the eyes of another person – is such a powerful, emotionally loaded act of communication that we normally restrict it to very brief glances.

In a more specific case, eye contact would probably be the most effective tool in showing desire or likeness in a subject. In such cases, there are different types of eye contact that expresses distinct messages. It could mean frustration, anger, admiration or love.

Usually the first contact made with a “Potentially Interesting Person” is eye contact. There are a few different types of eye contact:

There is the “Across the Room” eye contact, the “In Passing” eye contact (when a PIP is passing by you) and the all-important “Conversational” eye contact. In addition to this, when the both of you were able to decrease your uncertainty levels and were able to know each other’s characteristics for a while, you may do the “prolonged eye contact”. Each is different in many respects, but similar in that they are all ways of sneaking in communication without words.

The ideal “Across the Room” eye-contact flirt only makes contact for two or three seconds, and then shyly, must turn away. Usually this will make you smile, which is again a perfect communication – friendly and pleasant.

“Prolonged eye contact“ between two people indicates intense emotion, and is either an act of love or an act of hostility. It is sometimes disturbing (considering other people’s culture) that in normal social encounters, we avoid eye contacts of more than one second. Among a crowd of strangers in a public setting, eye contacts will generally last only a fraction of second, and most people will avoid making any eye contact at all.

Think about this, if a man stares at you and doesn’t look away even after you glanced at him, it makes you uncomfortable and realizes that he is more of stalking you than showing his interest in you.

Significance:

The eye perhaps is the most important sensory gland that is used for communication. It is in fact, considered as the “windows to your soul”. It is the medium for messages that we may have difficulty in expressing. eye contact, especially in the process of flirttation ( there are different types depending on the process) may answer the following questions(questions are according to level of flirtation based in the eye contact technique):

 

• Is he paying attention to what I’m saying?

• ·Does this person find me attractive?

• Does this person like me?

When making the different types of eye contact especially when flirting, remember that you are trying to convey a message with your eyes. People have often thought that when they end up looking away after making the first step of flirtation-a very short glance, they are no good in the “eye contact strategy”. The truth is, they were actually able to complete the first step and convey the desired message.

• There are some parts in the flirtation process wherein you’ll have to like, ‘reply to his glance’ also by looking very shortly to him in a certain way that you’ll be able to show him that you are interested in him too. In a situation such as when a man you are interested to looks or stares at you, you have to look back at him and let him catch you. In this way you were able to relay that the interest is mutual.

• Having a small chat or conversation is also a medium for flirting. It shows confidence and trust to the person you are conversing with. In fact, researchers have discovered that one of the most striking differences between people who are socially confident and those who are shy, is that confident people have much more frequent eye contact with their conversational partners.

• It reveals your feelings. However, it depends on what impact it creates to the person of interest. Eye contact is the most basic medium for flirtation but it is the safest way to express emotions non-verbally.

• if you don’t look at someone when you are introduced, it looks as if you are shy, aloof, or have something to hide. But if you stare, that seems threatening and hostile. Most encounters are a mixture of looking at the person and then looking away – as you’ll see if you video yourself chatting to a good friend.

• Keeping an eye contact when flirting with a person often gives assurance and most especially it coveys the message,”I am interested in you”. Since flirting is just a step in forming relationships, it is important that we make a good impression by using the body language basically the eye contact which is 50% in the totality of communication strategies.

Some statements proving that eye contact is an effective flirting technique:
“I have a thing about eye contact. I love it, and when I’m flirting, I do it a lot. It’s mostly subconscious. I usually don’t even realize I’ve been holding a guy’s gaze for a prolonged time until he laughs and says, ‘what?!’”

-ipodgirl-

“Eye gazing is essential to me. As an empath I’m so deeply sensitive about what people already feel … but the eye~gazing has helped me to discern more deeply and deeply. As a Dakini, with many years of practice and continued opening, I can easily assert that this can be a doorway to vast new worlds of awareness.”

-LotusShaktigodess-

“When I’m interested, I will repeatedly try to catch her eye. First, because I’m looking to see whatever might be there– to see what I can see! Second, I do it to show interest and maybe see if I can get some “play” going. Two can do a lot of talking and have tons of fun with just the eyes”

-eastwest10-

References:

I have gathered information through several websites that provide flirting tips to men and women. All of which states that eye contact is the first step in formulating relationships. The websites are:

• www.links2love.com
• www.medicinenet.com
• www.thesite.org
• www.romanceclass.com
• www.sirc.org
• “what social science can tell you about flirting and how to do it”, Kate Fox (Social Issues research Center)
• www.personals.salon.com
  

Activities	Week 1	Week 2	Week 3	Week 4	Week 5	Week 6	Week 7	Week 8	Week 9	Week 10
Select a topic
Find information
State your thesis and make a tentative outline
Observe the area of study (gathering facts through immersion)
Organize notes
Write your first draft
Revision of outline and draft
Type final paper

Some parts of this article is revised to specify “flirting” which is my final topic.